Absolute Chaos

Five cardiac signatures detected. 

Status: All calm. 

Genders: 4 male and 1 female. 

Hypo-magnetic and chemical signatures emanating from all suspects; possible firearm concealment. 

Further detection of chemical signals: toxic compounds in canisters hooked to central water treatment line.

Activating sonic amplification relay...

F: “Alrighty girls, Mistah Jay has went through a lot of trouble to keep that cops and that winged freak out of our hair for tonight, so now we need to pull our weight and get this gunk into the water system.”

M1: “The 'Batman'? I heard he ain't real.”

M2: “Oh, he's real. Could a myth knock out my front teeth? This one did, a month ago.”

F: “Alrighty, can you take yer tampons out and get back to reality? Mistah Jay's grand finale all rides on us.”

M4: “Like you were riding him last night? You would do any slutty thing to get ahead here, wouldn't you, Quinn?”

F: “You better watch your goddamned tongue. I'm the boss here!”

M4: “Or maybe you'd open your legs for anyone stupid enough to be nice to you, you fa-”

Sounds of repeated human physical assault. Determined to be victim's skull struck 4 times with blunt instrument.

Four cardiac signatures detected.

Time to move.

The Batman entered the air ducts above the central treatment chamber, as Harley Quinn yelled at her remaining subordinates about how they were “expendable” and if they “say anything like that again, they'll get worse.” The thugs panned out across the area after the tongue lashing, and he descended from the nearest opening to sneak up a straggler from behind and choke him out. Spying another thug rounding the corner, Batman tossed a stick explosive before quickly disappearing down a grate. The thug spotted his downed comrade and rushed to his aide, but the Dark Knight remotely detonated the plastic explosive, knocking him against the wall and into unconsciousness. Hearing the blast, the last goon entered the area to check it out, and saw his two pals knocked out. He spied the grate and checked it for Batman, but he couldn't be seen in it. He ran back to Harley, yelling “The Bat's here!”, but as soon as he was three feet in front of her, a grappling hook shot from the shadows and coiled around him; Batman used him as an anchor to reel himself toward Quinn, landing on top of the last thug and knocking him out.

He demanded that Quinn lock down the chemical infusion, so when she turned to walk towards the machine hooked to the canisters she quickly whipped back around, striking Batman in the head with a claw hammer (still moist with blood from when she beat that one guy to dead). She tried to kick him while he's down, but he caught Harley's foot and twisted her leg to bring her down. Batman stripped her of her weapon, and trapped her wrist under his boot. He tried to convince Harley that “her boyfriend” had been manipulating her from the start, just like he's been manipulating the people of Pittsburgh, and that he'll throw her away when she's outlived her usefulness. She refused to listen and tried to pull out a handgun to shoot him with her free hand, but Batman kicked it away and dropped his knee on her temple to render her unconscious. He walked over to the computer console that operated the canisters' infusing the toxic compounds to the city's water supply, but couldn't decipher the code to trigger shutdown.

“Damnit, how do I shut this down?!”

“Perhaps I could shed some light.”

Batman quickly turned to see the ghastly pale visage of the madman behind all of this: The Joker!

 

The Joker rushed towards Batman, shoving a knife into his side and sending them both through a window and tumbling down to the floor of the main facility. Batman pulled the knife from his body and engaged in a brutal fistfight with the psychotic clown. More of his henchmen began entering the area to help their boss, though a minority of their total number was cut off because the doors were remotely shut and locked by Oracle, a skilled computer hacker Batman works with. With the Joker's malicious laughter permeating the air, Batman fought off the assailants with his throwing blades, concussive explosives, and grappling lines, as well as his armored fists and feet. The thugs locked out of the area tried to break in, but Batman tossed more concussive bombs their way to scare them off. 

Looming over the beaten Joker, Batman demands the code from him.

Joker: “Let me ask you something: Have you ever truly thought about your impact on this city? That your nightly escapades actually mean something. They don't. No matter how many muggers you cripple and lives you try to save every night, it's nothing but a stall. There is nothing you can do to truly stop crime and violence; it's all a part of who we are. The rioters and con men you put away will get out of prison eventually, and the suffering they cause will continue. And why wouldn't they? They were falsely arrested and brutalized by a maniac with a leather fetish. You are a criminal just like them, but you think yourself better than them, like a good little despot.” 

Batman: “You better cut to the chase before you lose some teeth.”

Joker: “Now, hold on. I know what you're thinking: 'You're the one trying to poison the city's water supply!' Well let me clarify that for you, World's Greatest Detective. The chemical compounds in those devices only react to another chemical when absorbed by humans. All of my esteemed guests from the party I've thrown tonight, some of the wealthiest and most despicable wastes of flesh in Pennsylvania, will be put out of our misery within 48 hours of their exposure to the water; if they so much as wash their hands they'll be exposed.”

“You have a chance to save these people, though I shutter to think why anyone would spare them. The canisters will activate and poison the water in... oh look at that, 8 minutes, and the shut down code's auto-transmitter is connected to... a heartbeat sensor I had implanted. The only way to save their lives... is to kill me.”

Batman: “You're bluffing.”

Joker: “Then go ahead, keep me breathin'. See what happens. Or is sparing our lives what makes you think you're better than us; not the gizmos or the karate. Think back on all the bones you've broken tonight; all of my men had wives and children, and poor living conditions they all tried to struggle with. Now they can't work and make money, even legitimately, until they recover. They had no insurance to cover their costs, and odd are they're gonna fall into drugs and booze to cope. That means you just ruined a whole bunch of families just for a few fat cats.”

Batman: “You're saying killing them would be any better?”

Joker: “It beats creating a room full of drunks and abusive fathers, don'tcha think? On the bright side, you could pick up a sad 12-year-old on the cheap and train THEM to be a bitter, self-righteous creep, like everyone in the Matchstick.”  

Batman beats up the Joker some more, demanding to know about he knows his connection to the Matchstick Movement.

Joker: “A buncha nutjob vigilantes show up and then a more super-extravagant one a year later? I just did the math...”

Batman unhands Joker's coat, letting him fall to floor.

Joker: “Well, this has been a fun night, Batsy, but I really have to get going to the after-party in... oh say 5 minutes, so if you are quite done-”

Batman: “We're not finished here!” *seized him by the collar and forces him against the wall* “There's only one thing I want to know: Why?”

Joker: “I've already told you, the men I poisoned, my esteemed guests, the worst and most corrupt filth I could gather. Gillian Loeb, Rupert Thorne, William Kane, all as crooked as an orphan with scoliosis. This would have saved you a lot of time and effort in getting them convicted. Surely you'd agree with me that they would have bought their way out, and this was is only way to take care of them for good.”

Batman: “I don't think so, freak.” *Proceeds to beat Joker up some more* “I'll shut it down without you...” *Walks away*

Joker: *Escalating, maniacal laughter* “I'M the freak?! No person in their right mind would dress like a rodent and go around assaulting people at night for any reason! You're insane! I get it now! Your twisted, black-and-white morality is the only thing that allows you to justify your actions, but in the end you're just another sick criminal. The only difference between you and me is that you think psychological torture and leaving them crippled and mentally scarred is better than killing. Death is only natural, Batman! Going against nature would be insane! *Escalating, maniacal laughter*

Batman has had enough and proceeds to beat up the Joker some more. Then he gets him in a position where he could snap his neck and kill him, but he hesitates.

Joker: “Hrk- It's okay, Batsy-Boo... at some point- hrk... we've all... had a bad... day...”

He dies with a smile on his face.

The police arrive to find the injured cronies, and the dead criminal mastermind. What was set upon the Joker's chest was Batman's cape and mask... 

* Absolute Batman's bio: red-rum-18.deviantart.com/art/…

* Like the mainstream Joker, it is unknown what origin story he tells is true, because he's a compulsive liar, but a common element is this: He was a child soldier in a war-torn Middle Eastern country, forced to fight and kill, and he received horrible facial scars before escaping to America. (based on his time as the Red Hood)

** The Joker uses heavy, clean makeup to cover the scars and deformities on his face, and a glass eye that is a different color from his real eye.

* He reinvented himself as one of the most influential and popular artists of the decade, a renaissance man in the fields of art, film, fashion, and music (a complete 180 from his original iteration, an infamous and well-known serial killer/terrorist).

** He keeps his real name unknown, and goes by “The Joker”, or “Mr. J”.

* He decided to use his prestige and financial success to influence change in America, even if he has to “dirty his hands” to do so.

*What he was wearing in the picture above, he based on a straight jacket. (credit to )

* Harleen Fitzpatrick started as Mr. J's personal assistant, but he made her think that he truly loved her to control her, leading to her becoming “Harley Quinn”.

* Gillain Loeb is the Pittsburgh Police Commissioner, while James Gordon is in the FBI.

* Rupert Thorne is still a crime boss, but William Kane, Bruce's uncle, is a legitimate business man.  

* Yes, Batman actually killed someone, but he retired from being Batman soon after, disgusted with himself for all that he'd done. And now he refuses to speak to Barbara, who insists on continuing work with The Matchstick. At least The Joker can't hurt anyone anymore... right?