Sta.sh
(We open on the outside of the Cute Mark Crusaders' Treehouse, where the Cute Mark Crusaders, Sweetie Bell, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo, are arguing with their school bullies, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon)
Sweetie Bell: "We're tired of you always picking on us because we don't have cutie marks."
Diamond Tiara: "Well, get yours' and we'll stop."
Silver Spoon: "Oops, we forgot: only ponies with TALENT can get cutie marks."
(Derisive laughter from Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon)
Apple Bloom: "But, we DO have talent... we just haven't figured it out, yet."
Silver Spoon: "Looks like they may not be cutie marks in smarts, then!"
(Further derisive laughter)
Scootaloo: "Well, YOU used to be blank-flanks! Don't YOU remember how others bullied you?"
Mysterious voice: "Maybe I should jog their memories..."
(All the fillies are confused as to the source of the voice, and then a flash of light on their flanks indicate that the cutie marks of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have vanished. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon realize this and run away in terror)
Sweetie Bell: "Wha-what just happened?"
Mysterious voice: "Why, I just happened!"
(What appeared overhead in a flash of light is Discord, cheering as he reveals himself to the Cutie Mark Crusaders)
Discord: "Huzzah!"
Sweetie Bell: "Wait... you look familiar, mister."
Discord: "But of course. You might have caught my performance at the Canterlot Gardens, in the role of a 1,000-year-old statue. Not to mention the RAVE reviews for that cute-mark-removing illusion spell that will wear off in the next two days."
Apple Bloom: "You're Discord! You're the big meanie-pants who turned my granny's farm into an ice-rink and tried to take over Equestria!"
Scootaloo: "We're gonna get Rainbow Dash and the other Elements of Harmony and they're gonna kick your butt!"
Discord: "You misunderstand, my little ponies. I'm a being of good now! I use my powers to bring joy to ponies all over (especially if I get to have my own fun while doing so...)."
Discord: "So what do you say? Care to spend the day with the Spirit of Cha- I mean Fun?"
Apple Bloom: "I don't know..."
Sweetie Bell: "What if you turn into a bad guy again?"
Scootaloo: "We aren't going anywhere with you unless the Elements say so."
(Music begins playing)
Discord: "Crusaders, I don't think you quite realize just what you've got here! So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities!"
"Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves,
Scheherazade had a thousand tales.
But fillies, you in luck, 'cause up your sleeves
is a magic that will never fail!
You got some power in your corner now,
Some heavy ammunition at your word.
You got some Punch! Pizzazz! Yahoo! And how!
So all ya gotta do is say "Discord!"
And I'll say: "Cutie Mark Crusaders,
what will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, jot it down.
You ain't never had a Friend Like Me!" (ha-ha-ha!)
Life is your restaurant
and I'm your maitre d'!
C'mon, whisper what it is you want.
You ain't never had a Friend Like Me!
Yes ma'am, we pride ourselves on service.
You're the bosses, the queens, the czars!
Say what you wish, and it's your dish.
How 'bout a little more baklava?!
Have some of column A,
Try all of column B.
I'll give my word to help you girls.
You ain't never had a Friend Like Me!
(Musical interlude)
Can your friends do THIS?
Can your friends do THAT?
Can your friends pull THIS
out their little hats?
Can your friends go, *"Whoo!
Well, lookie here!"
Can your friends go "Abracadabra, let her rip!"
And then make your worries disappear?
So don't just sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed.
I'm here to answer all your midnight prayers.
Ya got me, bona fide and certified!
A draconequis for a charge d'affaires!
I got a powerful urge to help you out,
so what's your wish? I really want to know.
Ya'll got a list that's three miles long, no doubt.
Well, all you got to do is let me know (like so)!
Cutie Mark Crusaders,
have a wish or two or three!
I'm on the clock, and there's no shock
that you ain't-
Never had a friend-
Never had a friend-
You ain't-
Never had a friend-
Never had a friend-
You ain't
Never-
had a-
Friend...
Like...
ME...!!!
Hahaha!
Wah-ha-ha!
You Ain't Never Had A Friend Like Me!"
(Song ends)
(Discord is lounging in front of his audience as a neon "Applause" sign is hanging overhead. Sweetie Bell is gleefully applauding. Apple Bloom is disappointed that the cutie mark she gained during *her participation in her song is now gone. Scootaloo is staring off into space, dumbfounded.)
Scootaloo: "Wait... a cutie mark in smarts?"
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